That our family be able to finally have a decent meal together, complete in attendance minus the usual bickering and squabbles. That we survive, even once, a full meal without pushing each others’ buttons. Physically getting everyone at the same table at the same time is already a gargantuan feat. It would be a miracle if we could actually sit in peace and enjoy the feast me, and my mom and dad have prepared.

Finally meet someone either serendipitously by fate’s sinuous selection or capriciously through my own efforts. Someone; not as a mate, or a partner, or a fubu, or any of various titles that define the relation of one to another, but rather someone to bounce my subversions off. Someone I can look forward to spending time with, without the complexities of trying to get into each others’ pants, or the restrictions inscribed in formally dating exclusively (even though reality spells this so blatantly). Someone who would prefer my company, despite of my adiposities, or my nuanced eccentricities, or my darting opining, or my half-broken heart, or my bruised perceptions.

To receive a sincere and unexpected hug. That compressive warmth that says it’s ok, you’re safe, and everything’s going to be fine. In spite of the fact that neither of these insinuations ever hold truth. To achieve that suspension of disbelief in order to quell the lingering leit motif of melancholia.

The alleviation of my parents’ deteriorating health.

For a brother, a better grasp of fiscal reality and the understanding that I too get exhausted sometimes playing breadwinner in a household where my opinion holds little sway against his uncompromising dominion and vicious disposition.

The virtue of empathy and the capacity for compassion and acceptance for those whose days are filled with somnolent distractions against the backdrop of inner turmoil.

Personally, to achieve that consuming conviction that it’s ok and to wake up someday believing this with total abandon and complete admittance. A clarity transcending the undercurrent of disbelief.

And lastly, to set a bounded heart free.