48 after 29

“Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.”
- Jack Benny

Last Monday I celebrated my 29th birthday. Of course, the de facto question would be how it feels to be twenty nine. I could respond with a complicated appraisal, but I’ve only been twenty nine for about two days. So expectedly, it would be a hasty generalization/ assessment if I pursue such an exposition.

Most would expect a rather lengthy post from me, replete with all manners of arcane and obscure references. Or an ardently obsessive outpouring; accomplished with enumerated and itemized interjections, gerunds and digressions. I would have actually, out of habit, but for now I think candor would suffice.

Maybe I am older, forsaking loud, cantankerous and rowdy crowds, no more longing for the euphoria of excessive alcohol, or the trance of a sweaty, smoky, sultry dance floor. This doesn’t mean that I don’t fancy gatherings, inebriation, or dancing anymore. I still do, but a different brand of it. I prefer intimate gatherings, in places where you don’t have to shout over each other to converse; I favor drinking without the worry of having one’s pockets drained, or picked; and dancing in private suits me more these days.

Reminiscing the previous year, it’s not arduous to become nostalgic and poignant. Things have been a lot less frantic then. Work may have been sporadic to some degree, compared to how hectic and septic it is at the moment, but at least I finally got a raise last month. It may be minimal, but a raise is a raise. For the most part, I can say that the past year has been transitional – finding my footing at work, and learning to definitively assert myself, to some extent of course. Often, it’s a matter of risk management and damage control.

I can categorically state that matters at home have changed, now that my eldest sibling is coupled. I may not have the emotional fortitude and audacity to expound on that here. I am happy for him, but certain unresolvable issues remain recidivist and stubborn. But then, no family is without its own dysfunctions. And these idiosyncratic dynamics provide the texture that makes each home singular and ultimately inexplicable.

On a personal level, I am jocund. My posts may not always reflect this, but I am. It’s as if I’ve found my benchmark, a self-fulfilling fulcrum that propels toward beneficial tides. There may not have been drastic changes personally, but I suspect that it is only evidence that I am where I must be, as the cosmos prescribes. My disposition is usually pessimistic, critical and cynical, but now I feel that tomorrow is pregnant with potential. I am blessed to be in the company of such wonderful folks.

To my friends at work, though few, for keeping me sane despite tight schedules, overlapping deadlines, and uncompromising superiors. It’s always a comfort to know that I am not alone in this purgatorial workplace. Solitary confinement is best savored when it’s a shared pain. To my eccentric friends, for constantly reminding me that sanity is overrated and being normal can be a disadvantage. That success can be achieved even without having to sacrifice principle, and distinction. I still can’t fathom how much you guys believe in my potential for success, and for that alone I am grateful. To my family, for keeping me grounded and humble, amidst the convoluted meanderings of my professional life and emotional climate. To Froyo, for being my constant companion; your acceptance, understanding, and affection have been the salve to my previously festering wounds, you are my Sun and Stars.

In normative standards, my birthday would’ve fallen within the realm of the uneventful, and dull. But I’ve never been one for norms. Yes, it may have been devoid of the usual inebriation, or of lavish feasts, it may not be well-talked of nor assiduously planned, neither does it include large gatherings of well-wishers and a showering of presents. But it was still a celebration, no less.

In the end, it’s not the activity nor the destination, not the food nor the setting. It’s being able to spend the day with the ones I hold dear. In lieu of meager means, and in modest ways, it is enough that a day was given, and that time was spent together.

To the distinguished few who remembered, thank you.

Original image from here.